The Story
I didn't want to talk about the darkest skies revealing the brightest stars or the deepest oceans having the biggest fish. There are plenty of similar quotes in that regard, but what do skies and fish have to do with life? Nothing. (except for holding the clouds up and putting food on the table)
But when you are in the pit of life and all its darkness. It is THEN when even the most pathetic candle shines and lights up your world.
Recently, I was in a break up. We didn't fight but we felt that we were not fulfilling each others desires. Actually, it wasn't even that.
Let me tell you a little bit of a story.
When both of us first started dating it was all for the wrong reasons. In time, we fell in love but we hit more than our fair share of road bumps along the way. I was distrustful and that made me behave possessively, she on the other hand didn't really do much to make me feel as though I was her boyfriend. I felt that she didn't care for me as she should.
So, after all our bumps and bouts of 'disagreements' we finally broke up. Let me tell you, we had lots of problems to sift through but in the end, it was my possessiveness and her uncaring attitude that broke the crabs claw. The straw that choked the donkey so to speak.
So I was driving down a highway one day, it was a day that I was feeling really down because of work, lack of sleep and the terrible feeling of missing my now ex-gf. On top of that I got home and found that I paid my electric bill late and the power had been cut. It was more depressing than I can even explain in words. Nothing was going right and I had no one to share it with.
On impulse I texted my ex-gf. Telling her what had happened and that I just needed someone to tell so I would feel better.
She responded as she would always have. With nice words and that it will all be alright. Normally she would call, but being a gf and being an ex does put some toll booths in the way of conversation. But I was happy to just have that little bit of contact.
I then decided to stay at my sisters place, since there was no point sulking in a dark apartment all alone. On my drive over there my brain started thinking. I had always thought that my gf didn't care. But she actually did. She recently inquired about my dad's health (who is in hospital for something minor), she asked me to make sure I had a good dinner (she knows if I felt lazy I would just grab a burger) and she asked me to have a good rest.
All these things she has always done. And she is still doing it despite her not having to do so. My gripe has always been that when she is out with friends I feel abandoned because she doesn't often text or call me. Worse yet, she initially wouldn't even pick up my calls, making me feel all the more suspicious. It's like I didn't exist I have often said to her. But when I was struck with this 'epiphany on the road' it suddenly dawned onto me that she has actually cared all along. It was ridiculous to think that she didn't care. What was I thinking?
In fact, we had spoken about it before. It's not that we both haven't done our parts, but it was the scarring we received during the initial months of our relationship that has warped our minds to always 'assume' that one party doesn't give a rats ass and the other party wants to lock his gf up at home. Both of which are not true.
We both tried, but we couldn't see past our mindsets and we both broke up as a result. After shouldering so many burdens we broke up for the littlest thing simply because we couldn't SEE that we both had changed for the better and that we both were demanding for things that were already being given. We were just too quick to judge and point fingers during the incidences when either one of us lapsed, we never took the time to recall all the times in which we did the things our other halves wanted because we loved them. There lay our downfall.
Suddenly realizing this, I felt that a terrible weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I felt sudden joy that even after our breakup she still cared so much, and that she always have cared. If only I had really noticed it sooner.
Thank you.
- this Quote and Story is dedicated to FZB.
