Just Quoted

" The problem with digging your own grave is that once you're done you're in there by yourself. " - David Alan Bates

The Story

As usual I am in the midst of planning a surprise for Bao Bao even though we broke up just over a month ago. I don't know why I do such things but anyway...

The Time Traveler's Wife has hit the big screens and the novel that inspired the movie means something to both of us. She lost that book to an 'asshole' as she terms it and I bought her a replacement for our 2 months 'anniversary'. It was so long ago, I wish I could remember what I wrote on the inside cover but I can't. It probably was something sweet.

What I had planned to do is to write up a nice quote for her and along with two tickets to the movie and a watch that I bought her a year ago. The watch was accidentally left at a relatives place last Christmas and I only recently collected it. I'm not planning to ask her out for the movie, the tickets are hers to do as she pleases but I want her to go enjoy the movie as I am sure it would be marvelous. My hope is however is that she sees that I still care deeply for her.

But that's the thing you see. Now that we have separated she doesn't seem to feel the need to give my feelings any regard. She speaks to me when she wants to and she doesn't when she doesn't feel like it.

When she came back from Bangkok on Tuesday she was all up and about telling me about her trip. Today all I did was ask her what happened to an event she planned that didn't go well and she told me "can we talk later? I am eating breakfast." Fair enough, but it's now past noon, must be a really big breakfast to still be munching on.

Anyway, how this post relates with the quote is that I really don't feel like giving her the surprise anymore. I don't know if it would be wasted effort or not but I just suddenly feel so unappreciated and crappy. Quite often she does do something that makes me want to un-surprise her and this is one of it.

It's like there is some unknown force out there making spoil her own little 'touches' of happiness. I still think she would be happy with me and that I would make her happy despite or disagreements. It may be pride, but I doubt there are many guys out there who would put as much effort as I do to make my partners happy.

But she doesn't want this relationship back, despite its potential.

I don't want to sound mean but like the quote says, if you sabotage your life, you're on your own. No one is going to go jump in the hole with you, unless... you happened to be called David Alan Bates.

A regular hole-jumper he is.