" For as God judges man, I am made in His image. But as God forgives, I am but Human. " - David Alan Bates

" Scientists say that good looks are a result of superior genes, then why is it that so many pretty girls and boys are so downright dumb? " - David Alan Bates

Suggested Reading

Looking Good: The Psychology and Biology of Beauty

http://www.jyi.org/volumes/volume6/issue6/features/feng.html

" The trouble with wanting to be caring is that logic gets in the way and vengeance gets put on hold. " - David Alan Bates

The Story

I want to get Bao Bao a nice Christmas gift, something that she would appreciate and something that would glare in her face and make her remember me whenever she sees it. I'm practical that way... (my parents would say I'm mean that way) :)

Anyway, I don't know if I should. I really really want to, but she still owes me a birthday present (we were both dirt poor that month, how I managed to buy her a RM600 digital camera I still haven't found out, but I am still suffering from that purchase) and from how it looks right now I'm not sure if she would still get it for me even though she promised that she would bundle it together with a Christmas gift.

We are growing apart and we only manage to really chat when she has a chip on her shoulder or she needs MY shoulder for support. You have no idea how good it feels to be needed and how shitty it feels when the tears on the shoulder dries off and become unneeded.

So yeah, if I get her one and she doesn't get anything for me not only would I have spent RM200+ (which I am saving up for something secret) and not to mention I have ANOTHER Christmas gift to buy (for someone secret) I would look like an utter fool.

But I really really want to be nice, I want to care and I want to love. But logically I shouldn't. And I want to take revenge for no other reason other than that being in my nature. I want to take revenge for being ignored for not being loved when I think it's my right, and most of all for still not getting my birthday present!

Sigh, how does one do all three. I doesn't seem possible or plausible so I guess it's impossible.

" Even the mud on the soles of your feet carry memories. " - David Alan Bates

The Story

I have begun training at the gym, it's always been a small dream to bulk up a little and I finally threw the wallet on the counter and signed up.

I was going to only kick off with the 'gear' I already had which meant clothing not entirely suited for sports or sporting wear which are years old.

The only apparel I have which is under one year old is the pair of Reebok's I bought to climb Mt. Kinabalu with. It still hasn't been washed and it has streaks of mud on all sides. I don't plan to wash it clean because that little bit of dirt is part of the memories I have of the climb and of my Bao Bao who braved the mountain with me.

After the climb someone commented that it's difficult to find a GF who would climb a mountain for you and so right they were. But we have separated now but I still hold those memories dear.

If you are a fan of Japan GT racing you may know that it is the tradition for some teams to spray a coat of clear paint over their winning car, dirt and all. The grime, dirt and dust of their glorious day would forever be 'one' with their car. Even any damage sustained would not be repaired. Unlike European teams who polish their winning vehicles and lay them out for display in museums and showrooms the Japanese get the true idea of 'preserving' every ounce of 'experience' the car went through by sealing all the dirt in. These car no doubt also go on display, but they appear to have just come off the track.

Back to my shoes, it is an identical pair to what my Bao Bao bought for the climb and I wonder if she has washed her shoes.

It took me 18 hours of non-stop climbing from the base camp to reach the peak and down again. My Bao Bao didn't make it to the top but we struggled down the mountain together and we (along with my dad) were the last to make it. It was already nightfall by the time we arrived and me being injured slowed everybody down. My Bao Bao was with me all the way and we supported each other both physically and mentally from start to finish.

After the climb she told me that she felt that I was the one that she would marry, but 6 months down the road I guess it was not to be.

But as a young boy once said, "we live in hope."

To that boy I give my salute and I would like to add, "and may memories keep us going until then."

" The problem with digging your own grave is that once you're done you're in there by yourself. " - David Alan Bates

The Story

As usual I am in the midst of planning a surprise for Bao Bao even though we broke up just over a month ago. I don't know why I do such things but anyway...

The Time Traveler's Wife has hit the big screens and the novel that inspired the movie means something to both of us. She lost that book to an 'asshole' as she terms it and I bought her a replacement for our 2 months 'anniversary'. It was so long ago, I wish I could remember what I wrote on the inside cover but I can't. It probably was something sweet.

What I had planned to do is to write up a nice quote for her and along with two tickets to the movie and a watch that I bought her a year ago. The watch was accidentally left at a relatives place last Christmas and I only recently collected it. I'm not planning to ask her out for the movie, the tickets are hers to do as she pleases but I want her to go enjoy the movie as I am sure it would be marvelous. My hope is however is that she sees that I still care deeply for her.

But that's the thing you see. Now that we have separated she doesn't seem to feel the need to give my feelings any regard. She speaks to me when she wants to and she doesn't when she doesn't feel like it.

When she came back from Bangkok on Tuesday she was all up and about telling me about her trip. Today all I did was ask her what happened to an event she planned that didn't go well and she told me "can we talk later? I am eating breakfast." Fair enough, but it's now past noon, must be a really big breakfast to still be munching on.

Anyway, how this post relates with the quote is that I really don't feel like giving her the surprise anymore. I don't know if it would be wasted effort or not but I just suddenly feel so unappreciated and crappy. Quite often she does do something that makes me want to un-surprise her and this is one of it.

It's like there is some unknown force out there making spoil her own little 'touches' of happiness. I still think she would be happy with me and that I would make her happy despite or disagreements. It may be pride, but I doubt there are many guys out there who would put as much effort as I do to make my partners happy.

But she doesn't want this relationship back, despite its potential.

I don't want to sound mean but like the quote says, if you sabotage your life, you're on your own. No one is going to go jump in the hole with you, unless... you happened to be called David Alan Bates.

A regular hole-jumper he is.

" Only in the Darkest pit will the Dimmest candle shine brightest. " - David Alan Bates

The Story

I didn't want to talk about the darkest skies revealing the brightest stars or the deepest oceans having the biggest fish. There are plenty of similar quotes in that regard, but what do skies and fish have to do with life? Nothing. (except for holding the clouds up and putting food on the table)

But when you are in the pit of life and all its darkness. It is THEN when even the most pathetic candle shines and lights up your world.

Recently, I was in a break up. We didn't fight but we felt that we were not fulfilling each others desires. Actually, it wasn't even that.

Let me tell you a little bit of a story.

When both of us first started dating it was all for the wrong reasons. In time, we fell in love but we hit more than our fair share of road bumps along the way. I was distrustful and that made me behave possessively, she on the other hand didn't really do much to make me feel as though I was her boyfriend. I felt that she didn't care for me as she should.

So, after all our bumps and bouts of 'disagreements' we finally broke up. Let me tell you, we had lots of problems to sift through but in the end, it was my possessiveness and her uncaring attitude that broke the crabs claw. The straw that choked the donkey so to speak.

So I was driving down a highway one day, it was a day that I was feeling really down because of work, lack of sleep and the terrible feeling of missing my now ex-gf. On top of that I got home and found that I paid my electric bill late and the power had been cut. It was more depressing than I can even explain in words. Nothing was going right and I had no one to share it with.

On impulse I texted my ex-gf. Telling her what had happened and that I just needed someone to tell so I would feel better.

She responded as she would always have. With nice words and that it will all be alright. Normally she would call, but being a gf and being an ex does put some toll booths in the way of conversation. But I was happy to just have that little bit of contact.

I then decided to stay at my sisters place, since there was no point sulking in a dark apartment all alone. On my drive over there my brain started thinking. I had always thought that my gf didn't care. But she actually did. She recently inquired about my dad's health (who is in hospital for something minor), she asked me to make sure I had a good dinner (she knows if I felt lazy I would just grab a burger) and she asked me to have a good rest.

All these things she has always done. And she is still doing it despite her not having to do so. My gripe has always been that when she is out with friends I feel abandoned because she doesn't often text or call me. Worse yet, she initially wouldn't even pick up my calls, making me feel all the more suspicious. It's like I didn't exist I have often said to her. But when I was struck with this 'epiphany on the road' it suddenly dawned onto me that she has actually cared all along. It was ridiculous to think that she didn't care. What was I thinking?

In fact, we had spoken about it before. It's not that we both haven't done our parts, but it was the scarring we received during the initial months of our relationship that has warped our minds to always 'assume' that one party doesn't give a rats ass and the other party wants to lock his gf up at home. Both of which are not true.

We both tried, but we couldn't see past our mindsets and we both broke up as a result. After shouldering so many burdens we broke up for the littlest thing simply because we couldn't SEE that we both had changed for the better and that we both were demanding for things that were already being given. We were just too quick to judge and point fingers during the incidences when either one of us lapsed, we never took the time to recall all the times in which we did the things our other halves wanted because we loved them. There lay our downfall.

Suddenly realizing this, I felt that a terrible weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I felt sudden joy that even after our breakup she still cared so much, and that she always have cared. If only I had really noticed it sooner.

Thank you.

- this Quote and Story is dedicated to FZB.

" Life's Hopes and Dreams are merely manifestations of an overactive Imagination. " - David Alan Bates

The Story

Don't you think it's true sometimes? You know that dialog between the bad guy and the good guy, "More wealth/power than you can ever imagine!" the bad guy says. And the good guy responds, "I can imagine quite a lot."

The better your imagination, the more spectacular your dreams, and the ever more likely you would not achieve them.

Pessimistically speaking.

" Guilt is an emotion, and just like any other it shouldn't be allowed to influence your actions. " - David Alan Bates

The Story

Ok, you guys may be thinking that, "yes, we shouldn't let guilt dominate our lives." "What is in the past is in the past, there is no point in hanging on to guilt."

Wrong.

What you shouldn't do is stop yourself from doing something just because you are afraid that you may feel guilty afterwards. Do what you need to and do what you want to, there is no room for guilt when you feel happy for yourself having done it.

" An Eye for an Eye makes the world all right. " - David Alan Bates

The Story

"An Eye for an Eye" is first quoted in the Book of Exodus. It basically points at laws that deal out equal punishment to the offence caused. If you blind me, you should also blind yourself etc etc.

For example, today I had a meeting which went no where. It was with one of the egoistic fools who works for one of our largest Supermarket chains. His demands we ridiculous and on top of that his word is as law, there is no way to argue or no way to negotiate and since that was the case... I decided; "why should I be the only one to leave this meeting feeling angry when I have no choice but to abide to his demands anyway?"

So what did I do? I pissed him off on purpose by pointing some blame back to him and on top of that I called him impolite for not replying my email. He asked for it, since he said we didn't revert back to him soon enough. I emailed him 3 weeks ago, and he had the nerve to say we should have called if it was important.

"Fine," I said. "But don't you think that it's really impolite not to reply an email, irrespective of whether you agree with the contents of it or not?" I added.

His face immediately turn black. Haha... Score!

This is my story and my take.

Mahatma Gandhi on the other hand preached that "An Eye for an Eye... would make the whole world blind." And he is right, I do not dispute that. But what I DO dispute is this: what is so wrong with a blind world as long as everyone is equal? Equality is what breeds harmony, we aren't talking about the Communist form of equality here, which was obvious not really all that equal at the end of the day.

Anyway, back to point. Are we supposed to turn a blind eye (pun intended) to wrongs done to us? I am not talking about accidents, I am talking about deliberate wrongs. Should we not NUKE an opposing country if terrorize our people? Should we not put fear into their hearts so that they know how it feels like cower in darkness?

If there is no retribution or FEAR of retribution, lawlessness would run wild. If they do not experience first hand what they do onto others, do you think they would stop?

Without retribution, the bad guys will take advantage of the good guys and the world will be in chaos.

As much as Gandhi preached forgiveness (which has its time and place), I preach fairness.

We want people to be good, definitely, and inherently, everyone IS good. That is my belief.

But that doesn't mean that we shouldn't stomp on the bad eggs.

" Bisexuality in Children is the leading cause of Gayness online. " - Rot. in Battlefield Heroes

The Story

Rot. is a Commando in the National Army in the game Battlefield Heroes. (by EA/DICE)

This hilarious quote was made up when both the Royal and National Armies were having good fun 'flaming' each other in 'Seaside Skirmish'.

The Royals (my team) lost that bout :(